The calm before the storm…

 

Here’s a little something courtesy of Mr Ivan Ang

Brenda’s notes

Brenda’s notes (26/07)

Thanks for sharing! Added a piece of example.

Essay feedback (Mock Exam 2007)

Here’s some stuff that I remember from the discussions with all of you over the weeks concerning the essays. I will make reference to some students’ writings if I can remember who they are!

(I will upload Brenda’s notes a little later today. Thanks in advance to all those who shared your notes!)

Q5: (From Wan Chin) “Competition is neutral. It is neither good nor bad. It is us, as human beings, which determines its use.”

Although some parts of it can be worked on, I thought it’s a fair attempt because at least the stand is clear, yet implicit: it is not competition that matters; it is the participants themselves.

Q8: “intolerance” actually carries negative connotation.

Q9: Time matters. The state of development of the nation matters: a developing nation has different priorities from a developed nation. One can also consider the basis of a nation’s survival.

Q11:  War can also be a solution. Can you think of examples? Experience too. Character is also important (eg: hardworking). It is also necessary to consider if opportunities are available: there are foreign workers in Singapore who hold a BA(Hons) or the ilks in India or Pakistan or Bangladesh, but they do not have sufficient job opportunities in their countries probably while their certifications are not recognised here. They end up as construction workers who are seen as a job for the poor, the “lower class”.

Q12: Travelling within the country can be considered too. “Internet travel” is another new-age possibility one may look at, but this requires a high level of argumentation that defines the scope of internet use.

AQ Feedback on Mock Exam (aka Timed Practice) 2007

Here’s some of the things which I might have said in class:

1) This question does not require a stand. Moral of the story: read the question and instructions carefully. Be ready for surprises! Don’t try to predict what the question or topic will be.

2) Here’s a sample of a cited point that will score for {R}:

As mentioned in Passage A, “[advertisement] teaches us to be consumers, to value material possession above all else.” (Line13-14)

This is the way to cite the point (of course you can say “Para” instead of “Line”). Do not leave out important words when you cite, otherwise your quote will not make sense! If you copy the exact phrase from the passage, make sure you indicate it with the inverted commas, or else it can be treated as Lifting. Non-attempt at citing will affect your Language score.

3) Foreign examples are only used to support local ones.

4) Handwriting: I can’t imagine how “youngsters” can become “gangsters”; “criminals”, “animals”.

5) Seriously, are there advertisements in Singapore that advertise for cigarette companies? Seriously! Don’t “smoke” me, I tell you!

6) I thought Weiting, Timothy and Yanxian faired well for this AQ. Here’s a good Evaluation from Gerald, although it’s just one line, but I’ll like to show it to all to let you know that {Ev} is possible to be done and you can do it!

This caused much unhappiness in them [the women]. It is important to Singapore as women’s work are not acknowledge [sic].

This is on the point of “feather-brained”. Those words in brackets are for clarification. (“Sic” means there’s a typographic error in the original.)

7) Here’s a sample I did in class with 13/07 and 19/07; originally didn’t intend to post it up, but 26/07 had not seen it yet (although I thought they are supposed to see me on Thu; turns out that only Glen, Wan Chin and Cheryl Yeo turned up; and I think I turned down Keng Huang, Samuel and Jeremy on another day as I was too busy.)

In passage A, the author mentioned that “[advertisement] teaches us to be consumers, to value material possession above all else.” (Line 13-14) This tells us that advertisements can influence people to believe that money can allow you to easily attain bliss, just like any commodity. This phenomenon is observed everywhere in the world of the 21st century. Be it China or Canada, people splurge on festive goodies. Christmas is now seen as a commercialised festival where presents are purchased en masse to satisfy the craving wants of children and adults alike. We see various advertisements on toys and electronic gadgets gaining more air-time on television channels weeks before winter kicks in. Major firms like Apple and Hasbro reported more than two-fold increase in revenue over this period of the year, noting also that they contribute much to the advertisement space on the mass media. This is similarly observed in Singapore during the same festive season: advertisements proclaiming “sale” on all sorts of goods and brand, be it Harvey Norman electronics or a Toys ‘R Us catalogue. They can all be found in the Straits Times. This promotional measure taken by companies and advertisers ingrain in us the importance of consumerism–that it is a necessity in contemporary times. We need to buy to show we are part of the celebration, to feel happy, or to make others happy. This is unhealthy as it is against the fundament of morality. Thus the negative effect of advertising can be seen to affect Singapore.

Those underlined are {Ev} components. (I had another example on anti-consumerism which I did not use because it is based in the USA, but I would still use it if I have time to spare. There is this “Buy Nothing Day” which believers will not buy anything on that particular day as a show of dissent against consumerism. Although this is irony, because after this day people will still go back to the good old consumerism, it can still serve a point, as a proof, that this world has been turned into a consumer society.)

They can take our lives, but they will never take our freedom! – William Wallace

Aaaargh!

They may take our trees, but they will never take our freedom!

– ranting from an HDB flat dweller

News update on Channel K

1) Priscilla’s marked essay quietly disappeared from the pigeon hole… I hope the pigeons had not taken it. And so did the rest of the marked scripts for 13/07 I left in the box. Mr K is still investigating the disappearance (but is happy that he can finally go back home at 7pm sharp to do school administrative work in front of my TV. YAY!).

2) An unnamed script (RJC Paper 2) from 13/07 has also gone into hiding. Anyone with any news of the identity of that script should inform Mr K.

3) Remaining scripts from 26/07 have been left in the above-mentioned box, along with Wai Sin’s file. Please claim them!

4) Mr K has despatched the marked scripts for Si Ying and Zhi Yan by snail courier; you should receive them by Friday. Thanks once again for providing the self-addressed envelopes. Great to see students with initiatives. (Escargot lovers, refrain from eating any snails that look like they are carrying mail.)

5) Each class has also been given sets of answers to the Paper 2 AJC Promo 2004, AJC Promo 2005, AJC Promo 2006 and TJC Promo 2006 (without the AQ).

6) Mr K will like to thank everyone who has been understanding for their empathy.

Commentary of “Bull-10 arts=mirror of reality”

(Aha! Now no one will complain about me for a harsh critique! You don’t know which essay I’m talking about, do you?)

The introduction starts brilliantly with the allusion to the Greek legend; the conclusion bring reference to it again. It has to end by bringing relation to it for greater impact and maximal effect of the allusion. This is especially crucial as the essay uses this legend as a representation of its anchor argument (last sentence of the introduction): arts mirror life, but they have the potential to misrepresent–rather, they have the potential to be misinterpreted and it is not arts’ fault–the onus is on the Reader/consumer to get the desired message. The implicit stand would cause the essay to be NAQ if not for the language flair of the writer.

This is especially so considering the fact that the question asks for “How far do you agree?” and the writer intentionally (or not) digressed and raised the issue that “whether arts are nothing more than a mirror held up to reality is not my concern and I’m not going to agree or disagree with it; it can be more than a mirror, it can be less. I’m more concerned with the user of this mirror.”

The writer launched into the first paragraph exalting the beauty of arts. News are not arts. Arts can be manipulative, but it is good, because it says more. Emotions. Sentiments. It conveys the human side of events more than a piece of news. It is good to be subjective. The message is: “If you misconstrued the representation of reality in the novel, it’s only because you are not literate enough. If you are literate enough to appreciate it, then you will experience reality–and more.”

(At a higher level, I think the essay would have engaged in what is meant to be real and how would you know what is real when everything could just be constructed reality.)

The next paragraph lends support that when arts try to be reality, it flops. This is because of the expectation of the function and purpose of arts: to entertain. The theatrical exaggeration means to be able to identify with the situation or the characters is as good as it gets. I feel that greater impact could be achieved when contrast is brought with the example used and the evaluation of contemporary reality TV.

The following paragraph delivers the message that has been apparently subtle in a more explicit manner.

And the next paragraph proposes the new function of this mirror. Can it be a mirror that makes people think than just to merely see reality?

All in all, I agree with the Comments given by the teacher who marked the script. But I would have liked to see greater engagement with contemporary issues. Whether or not coherence is sacrificed remains to be seen. Then again, taking into consideration that this piece was penned in the Promo lends sheen to the ability and knowledge of the writer.

More importantly for everyone reading that essay and that publication, suss out the use of examples and evidence. Try not to let the language of the writing affect you psychologically. Not everyone’s a born writer; not everyone would have chosen to be nurtured as a writer.

GP News on Channel K

1) 13/07 will get their Reading Files back earliest on Monday as progress had been disrupted by 10 students who held an impromptu Essay meeting hours ago that lasted approximately two hours. Another session with another group of 13/07 students will be held tomorrow at 5pm. According to the protocol, students had to arrange the meetings at least a day in advance, otherwise delays like that will happen.

2) 26/07 and 19/07 will get their Reading Files back tomorrow after school.

3) Clear all outstanding homework before you sit for your examination. This may have an effect on “the moderation exercise”.

4) Mock Exam Paper 1 Answer Scheme does not contain every possible argument (obviously): it’s just a guide and the definitions there are also not the “end all, be all”. Eg. “The Arts” is defined in the manner of “the arts” and the other fields of study are ignored. Check out your good friend, Wiki (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Arts), if you need a security blanket. The other case is on the issue of reforming criminals. Certain areas are not dealt with in entirety.

5) Students who did the same question for the Mock Exam Paper 1 should cluster together and form a focus group discussion as I may have written notes on one and forgot about the other(s).

6) Last reminder: do not wait till I return you the essays before you make special arrangements to see me. That will be too late. I will return all outstanding Mock Exam essays by next Monday. I will return all outstanding assignments by next Tue.

-End of transmission-

19/07 Paragraph Construction

Post them here! The instructions are the same as those of the preceding two posts.

13/07 Paragraph constructions

Post them here! The instructions are the same as those of the preceding post (ie. critique).

Deadline: actually, anytime you wish. I will comment on each paragraph after every group has participated and after each group has commented. I should see a total of 10 posts here before the Promo.